Monday, September 27, 2010

Slippery fish: An outpouring on loss of perspective

All this stuff I'm meant to learn from my yoga just seems to slip away when I'm faced with real life challenges.

It's all well and good applying things in a nice, easy and controlled environment, but now I'm faced with a reality. In this instance I'm stuck inside when the sun is shining like it's been held hostage in dark cave and has now finally been released. It's beautiful out there. But in the name of good mothering I'm here, with my little Conan who is more restless than a toddler on Coke (Coca Cola... please!), with the attention span of a hyperactive goldfish.

And I'm questioning everything.

Was this puppy a good idea?

Can I cope with this new life?

I'm trying to live in the moment. I'm trying to enjoy the journey and find endless fascination in his every move whilst keeping a good degree of apathy and aloofness so he's not mollycoddled.

But it's consuming my every thought.

I need to get some perspective.

I was supposed to  teach my corporate class this morning (we usually meet on Wednesday mornings but they needed to change this week.) It was in my calendar but I'd forgotten to set an alert so i blissfully slept through this morning until I got a call at 8am from the girl there. It immediately dawned on me. Shit. "I'm so sorry, so so so sorry" a torrent of apologies and excuses poured forth. Of course she was fine about it, but it made me realise my head is firmly not in the moment at the moment.

I had forgotten about the importance of concentration. Right now my mind skates and slides around like a slippery fish between your fingers. I've lost all sense of perspective.

I know it's a bit of a downer this one. Hey, I find it hard to write when everything is blissfully happy, perhaps this blog is my release. Who knows.

Perhaps here is where i find my perspective.

I'd love to do some yoga right now. It's really been helping me lately to manage the chaos of thoughts and doubts.

It's all about the boy. But what about everything else....?

Monday, September 20, 2010

Enjoying the journey

I've always found it kind of annoying when people tell me to 'enjoy the journey' - it's like when people tell you to 'relax' or 'don't be shy'. It's easier said than done aye.

After the most perfect few days with my little monkey, Conan, I'm starting to feel my patience fray (or rather shred) like an old towel.

"Conan, down boy, get off the towel!"

I mean you read all these books, you speak to people in pet shops, vets, pet trainers and they tell you: if he's bad you ignore him or correct him with a simple 'ah ah' and then finally you confine him. If he's good you shower him with praise.

Yeah right.

This would be a typical 1 minute in the life of.

I'm sitting at the computer in the kitchen. Conan comes staight over and sits on my feet, all big puppy dog eyes. "Good boy" i say... then, excitement mounting he attempts to jump up "uh uh" i say, and down he gets: "Good boy." I walk to the fridge, he's tags my ankles as I walk then he's is in the fridge with me. "uh uh". no response. "Uh uh" I say again. Still no response "Uh..." and he walks away. "Good boy" I say then he starts to crouch slightly as if about to pee "Uh!" I say louder and usher him outside leading him to his toilet pad. Nothing doing. Then he's chewing the plant outside. "Uh uh" nothing. I throw a ball around. He chases it. "Good boy."  I ask him to come. He runs the ball inside, chasing past my legs and into the lounge, just as I get there he's chewing the rug. "UH UH" nothing. I decide to ignore him and go back to the kitchen. He follows after me. I say 'sit' he sits. Good boy I stroke him and get him excited, he's licking my face. I'm back at the computer, he runs towards the lounge again. I try to stop him by shutting the door. His head is almost jammed (though of course it's not) "uh uh" - no response.

Okay, that's probably the minute up.

Thank goodness for these pizzles (pig's penises) he writhes in an aphrodisiac fuelled ecstasy. Rolling on his side, his back, covering himself with the scent of the pizzle - who knows what these things contain,  but they sure do work... Long enough for me to write this post.

It's so much fun. But it's also so tiring. I feel he's learning more and more, as I am, by the day; but the more he absorbs of this new life, the more he learns how to work me out. I need infinite patience; i need to learn to marvel at the minutiae. We made some progress today. 2 x pees outside. This is good. I need to remember to enjoy the journey as he is.

A rare moment of calm

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Pup dilemmas

I'm back!

I've taken a half hour 'separation anxiety' timeout from Conan. Apparently because I'm around the house a lot there's a chance he'll get anxious and cause havoc if ever I go out so you've gotta get them used to it by putting them in a room on their own (or a crate) and letting their whimper, howl, whine, scream wash over you. Never has the phrase 'you've got to be cruel to be kind' resonated so much! I've stuffed my tired brain with all sorts of dog psychology and concluded that, err.... I don't know.

So, the first few days with Conan....

Conan. Conan, meaning 'little wolf' in Irish.

It's taken a long time to get to the name Conan. We've been through the lot: Roy (hubby's fave, but not mine - i mean, can I really shout 'Roy' across the park? This handsome fella deserves better....) Then there was a 24 hour Lupo experiment ( Lupo means wolf in Italian) but somehow it felt wrong and forced. Paco (liked the Spanish name vibe) but never took. And Larry, named after Larry David, but again not sure, the boys liked it, but they also liked Roy. So finally we settled on Conan, which was the name given to us by the breeder. It's not that we've been unoriginal but out little man is so true to his name, strong, handsome, howly. I mean he doesn't look like a little wolf here - he looks like a teddy bear but that's the thing I'm realising about puppies, they're irresistible and that's what makes them so "down dog" difficult to train.
Conan, our 9 old week Border Collie - to pick up or not to pick up?

There appears to be two schools of thought:

1. The crate them and isolate them, eat your dinner first and assert yourself as pack leader but praise them well when they've done something good school of pup psychology

2. The love them to bits and cuddle them lots school of pup psychology (which is also what the breeder told us), and which I'm doing lots... (as per the picture)

....Until I met a friend of a friend last night who told me, "you can't pick up a puppy - it'll send the wrong message, you're elevating his status." Obviously this friend of friend subscribed to school of hard knocks number 1.

It's all a bit confusing to be honest. I'm trying a bit of both at the moment, so he's been separated, he's calmed down. It's working. There's quiet in the house.

But BCs are very sensitive and apparently if you don't make then feel reassured they'll develop anxiety as well.. But then if you let them rule the roost they'll also

I'll keep you posted.

Never have I been more present. This is real yoga.

If you've got any advice for me, as a new and loving mum to a beautiful pup, please feel free!